Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
