were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
