READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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