Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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