Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
