I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
