i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
