i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
