I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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