and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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