i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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