Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
