apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
