I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
