so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
