Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
