So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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