Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
