she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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