Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
