Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
