Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
