You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
