kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
