I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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