She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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