on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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