he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
tell me about the eggs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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