If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
