I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who died my cat blue again?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
