i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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