I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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