Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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