So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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