This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got inside last night via doggy door
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
