take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
