I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
