Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
