I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
