Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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