I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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