And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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