yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
