i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize