I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
