From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
