you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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