have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
