he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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