Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
