Where is the hickey?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
