so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
