he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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