sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
