Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
