my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
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I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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