wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm like, not good at living.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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