currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
