That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
