Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
