I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
