can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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