I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
