Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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