Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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