What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
