Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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