Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
