Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
