I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
