i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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