I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
