There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So vagazzling was a success
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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