My sheets look like a crime scene.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
