wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
