Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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