Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just google imaged poop.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
