i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
