Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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