HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
