i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
