i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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